I don't remember a time when I was not seraching for a closer relationship with God. From the time I was 10 or 11, I started going to church any way I could get there. I was there every time the doors were open, but I never felt close to God. I saw others who seemed to be close to Him and tried to do what I saw them doing, but it did not seem to make a difference. I never could do it all and felt like a failure. I went to the alter and cried those tears of repentance but nothing changed. I tried to get more involved with the church but could not seem to get through the front door. So as a young teenager I believed that I must be there. That if I just kept asking Jesus to forgive me that I would go to Heaven and that all my worrying was for nothing. I lived my life the way I wanted to and continued to sit on the pews. Nobody ever said anything to me so I figured this was it. Some people had gifts from God that made them shine the way I wanted to shine but that I was not one of them.
As an adult I joined a new church and became very involved in the children's ministries. Oh this must be it! Doing all of these "churchy things" was what I was missing as a child. But my heart was still unchanged. I would go to church twice a week and be a "Christian" but the rest of the week I did whatever I wanted (selfishness). It just did not feel right! So I went to my pastor and asked him, how could I be a better christian? He took me through a bible study and said when I completed it I could become a member of the church. Eight weeks later he handed me a certificate in front of the church and announced that I was now a true member of the church. Wow finally I made it!! ...but nothing changed. I still did the same things. I knew I wasn't supposed to do these things but everyone was doing them and most were doing things even I would never dream of doing. I tried to block the questioning by reassuring myself that it was all covered by the blood of Jesus, so I had nothing to worry about.
Then God pulled me out of the church. I had a very serious falling out with the church so I left. After I got over my anger toward the church I turned to God and asked Him to show me where He wanted me now. I had always gone to church and it just did not feel right not being there. Well to my surprise God told me to stay home. Stay home? But wasn't I supposed to go to church every Sunday so that I could get to Heaven? Well I got down on my face for the first time in my life and begged God not to turn away from me. Please show me where I can get closer to you dear Lord. Again He said "Stay Home". Then He lead me to 2 Corinthians 6:14 "Do not be yoked with unbelievers" His voice was so clear that day. It was like He was sitting right in front of me telling me what to do. He told me to stay home and concentrate on a one-on-one relationship with Him. I can do that I asked? He made it very clear that is what He wanted. He told me to stay home, read His word and build a personal relationship with Him and when He wanted me back in church He would send it to my front door. I had to listen it was to clear, to strong of a request for me to ignore. So for 9 years I was at home alone with God.
Then in 1997 I was introduced to Weigh Down. I had gained 40 lbs and had reached the end of my rope trying to lose it. Weigh Down showed me that food was an idol and that I was putting it before God! How disgusting! Well I lost 25 lbs that first class. But after the class ended I gained 15 lbs back. So I took the class again, but the weight didn't come off. So I just kept taking the class, there was just something about what I was hearing that I could not turn away from. Then in 2001 Weigh Down introduced the Advanced study. In September 2001 I held my first class and God finally got through to me!!! When I realized that I was taking the crown off of His head and crowning myself it made me sick! How could I do that to Him? That is when God started doing a mighty work in me. He started to reveal all of my idols. Food, bulimia, overshopping, controlling, praise of man, money. I was a disgusting person who was parading as a "christian". But God loved me enough to reveal these strongholds through the Weigh Down studies and finally show me a way to get away from them!
First He brought me to the message of submission to my husband; God showed me how symbolic that was to my submission to Him. What a beautiful thing it is to respect our earthly authority. Then He showed me how shopping had started controlling my life, so I fasted from shopping untill I could be sure that I heard His voice and only buy what God truly wanted me to have. What a great way to shop. No more selfish grabbing hands!! It was so much more enjoyable to go shopping under His lead. Food was no longer calling my name. I learned to run to God for everything and not food and God took 40 lbs away!! I didn't even try to lose the weight, I was too busy trying to hear God's voice and to do His will and not my own. I have kept the weight off ever since. Praise God!!!
Even more then all of this, God opened my eyes and allowed me to see and understand the Bible. I love reading His Word and learning more of what He wants from me. The desire of my heart trully is to do His will everyday all day. I live today because Christ lives in me.
See God had kept His promise, He brought the church to my front door. He allowed me to be introduced to a group of people who are like-minded. They hold me up and show me when I stumble. They help me everyday to get closer to God through following His commands. He told us that you would know the truth by its fruit.
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Gal. 5:22-23
These are the fruits I see everyday in my life and in the life of those I fellowship with. God showed me what He expected from me and when I gave Him His way He kept His promise to me. What an awesome God we have!!!
Lydia Muri